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Pickled Peppers

18th February 2004, the wee hours | Comments (13)

Molly says she saw some Peppers in her local market today and her post struck a chord with me — didn’t I have some silly Pickled Pepper thing somewhere? Didn’t I write something about that a while back? Now, where would I have put it? Ah yes, here it is…

I left a message on Becky’s answer phone once, pretending to be a Pickled Pepper salesman. Here’s what I said (imagine a drawl from the southern US):

Good evening Ma’m, I’m Peter Piper, purveyor of Peter Piper’s Pickled Peppers, possibly, probably, the primo pickled pimento pepper in the continental United States.

Perhaps today you’d care to listen to a professional person’s pre-dinner pimento pickled pepper phone presentation, presented by me, Peter Piper, President, Producer and primary pusher of pieces of pickled pepper. In a jar.

So here goes… If peppers were people, Peter Pipers Pickled Peppers would be phenomenal people: the President, the Pope, Peter Pan, Paddies, Poles and Pakistanis. Perfect people, professional people, Pickled Pepper People.

So remember lady, Peter Pipers Pickled Pimento Peppers, presented pre-packaged and perfect for plenty of pallets.

Have a good day now.

Her reply, by email (feminine drawl, please):

Dear Peter Piper,

Your preliminary proposal was pleasing but premature. I prefer to purchase produce in pints, not pecks, although the proper packaging could perhaps persuade me to part with a portion of my pecuniary proceeds. It pains me to prevaricate, but the pallet of pallid pickled peppers I previewed at your palatial pizza parlor was particularly perturbing. I could be persuaded to procure a pound of petite purple plantains packed promptly at the plantation, but only if the planters employed pygmy poets to prepare the platters prior to posting.

My pleasant personality will prevent me from pondering the perilous possibility of procuring poor-quality produce from a person of your plucky, purposeful, and persistent character.

However, I am also interested in purchasing plenty of plums for preparing pudding, as well as a portion of pears. Price is paramount, as possible problems with payment preclude pointless pandering to persnickety preferences. Please ponder pricing your peppers, plantains, plums, pears, and other produce in light of my parsimonious proclivities.

My profuse apologies for prolonging the purchasing process.


Polly Pennywhistle

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Comments (13)

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  1. Justin Blanton:

    Particularly Profound Parlance -- Possibly Perfect. :P

    Posted 1 hour, 7 minutes after the fact
  2. Alex:

    Good show!

    Posted 1 hour, 14 minutes after the fact
  3. Zelnox:

    You guys are amazing. (^_^)//

    Posted 1 hour, 25 minutes after the fact
  4. Nicole:

    I had to read it out loud as fast as I could. You know, just to see if I could.

    Posted 1 hour, 35 minutes after the fact
  5. Colin D. Devroe:

    It's obvious that my vocabular is definitely lacking.


    Posted 5 hours, 3 minutes after the fact
  6. S T E F:

    Particularly poignant piece of poetry. :)

    Posted 7 hours, 26 minutes after the fact
  7. Jeremy Cherfas:

    "Pretty peppy piece of alliteration, pal" Now, what was the name of that movie? Not Network. The other one about the love traingle at the news station. Broadcast News?

    Posted 8 hours, 15 minutes after the fact
  8. Chris Neale:

    is that palates, or pallettes or pallets ?

    pronunciation and punctuation pedant emeritus

    Posted 13 hours, 33 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Chris Neale
  9. Chris Neale:

    'palettes' : ]

    [ just as well I didn't put spelling : ) ]

    Posted 13 hours, 37 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Chris Neale
  10. Karen:

    Wherefore the Post-modern preoccupation with pungent plants of the pepper persuasion?

    Posted 19 hours, 26 minutes after the fact
  11. Scott Johnson:

    Wow. Perhaps I should start reading the dictionary at night. ;-)

    Posted 22 hours, 12 minutes after the fact
  12. Hannah:

    Peter Piper is my neighbor!

    Posted 2 days after the fact
  13. Purple People Person:


    Posted 4 months after the fact

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