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Posts for October 2003 (7 entries)

Home doctor

26th October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

He has a sore back. She rubs some liniment into it.

He says, I can’t smell anything, are you sure it’s the right stuff? She checks. It’s not…

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Dishwasher un-safe

21st October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

The winds of change and controversy are blowing around the world right now: Northern Ireland may be restoring devolution preparatory to holding new elections; North Korea are stepping up their nuclear programs; and Zimbabwe’s state-controlled oil company has run out of fuel, plunging national infrastructure and emergency services into crisis.

But I tell you this: these events are but gentle breezes compared to the hurricane that rages in the Orchard household:

Unbelievably, my mother is challenging my father’s System For Loading The Dishwasher…

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12th October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

A dandy holding a fish. The caption reads: Halibut, the sure way to a girl's heart

Pixar vs Claymation

11th October 2003, lunch time | Comments (0)

In 1993, after much prodding from the family, my Grandma and Grandad broke their number one life rule (If naked people aren’t involved, it’s not worth watching) and went to see Jurassic Park at Yeovil cinema.

We’d seen it the week before and had raved about it. My friends had seen it and thought it was incredible.

So, bearing this in mind, and hoping against hope for a hereforto unmentioned sub-plot involving gratuitous nudity, my Grandparents settled into the back row to watch the film…

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The perils awaiting a homemade pizza

9th October 2003, lunch time | Comments (3)

Next time you find yourself making a pizza and the phone rings, make sure that the following doesn’t happen…

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Woof woof

6th October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

Woman looking lovingly at man, who's looking lovingly at an alsation dog
Michelle loved Graham, but always felt his heart belonged to another

The obvious question here is of course: “Why on earth was this photo taken in the first place?”

Who was the client? What kind of brief did they give?

OK, so we want to show a beautiful, tender moment between a couple. Let’s say they’re engaged. She’s your typical American girl; heiress to the Chumley Chum Dog Food fortune, socialite, and renowned tennis player.

He likes sleeping with Alsatians.

Go to work guys.


The maze

3rd October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

What do you know about mazes?

My knowledge is fairly limited: there’s the story of the maze, the Minotaur and that chap (Theseus) with the string; and there’s a famous maze in England called the Hampton Court Maze. I’m not sure if I’ve been there myself, but by all accounts it’s a tricky one.

And that’s about it.

Well, to this less than impressive knowledge base I can now add another entry: The Route From Our Front Door To The Computer Room And Back.

It’s a killer.

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