Post #52

Email revisited: Tucson, Arizona (22nd April, 2002)

18th November 2003, lunch time | Comments (5)

Dunstan sitting on the edge of his bed, back towards the camera

I hate being alone and having to go to bed. I don’t want to pack up, lie down and shut out the light in my head. A day done. Opportunities passed. Doors shut that can’t be reopened.

I hate it.

In the bathroom, as I get washed, I’m listening out for a phone call or a door bell. I look in the mirror and clean my teeth, I lean in and stare at my eyes, look at how my forehead wrinkles when I raise my eyebrows, turn side to side and see that I look much better head on, when you can’t see the shape of my nose or my chin or my lips.

And as I look and turn and look again, I always have half an eye on what’s behind me in my reflection. Half my mind hoping the door will open and something will walk through that’ll push the end of the day back, that’ll shove me back into a brighter world than the one I’m about to leave for the night.

But no-one ever comes through the door, and the phone never rings. And each night I grit my teeth as I climb into bed, because it’s another day gone by and I’m still not hers and she’s still not mine and it makes me miserable.

Jump up to the start of the post

Comments (5)

Jump down to the comment form ↓

  1. Kevin McDonagh:

    From your listing of heart felt songs to your poetry now, I think we're gettign a message that your a bad patch? Well us web design type all stick together so we're here for you man. *pause, nod* :)

    Posted -1 years, 12 months after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Dunstan
  2. Dunstan:

    Kevin, how incredibly kind of you, but actually I'm alright :o)

    I certainly wasn't OK when I wrote that email in 2002, but I'm 99% over that now.

    As for my songs, well, damn, I must just be naturally morose :op

    Ooh, Elvis just came on again...

    Thanks for the thought though; really very kind of you.

    Posted -1 years, 12 months after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Kevin McDonagh
  3. Kevin McDonagh:

    Heh no probs, sorry about the very real problem with spelling in the last post! By the way while I've caught your attention, fatastic design for your site you truly are an inspiration to me as a young web pro(21) I also live in britain so I'm always interested to see fellow designers are up to.
    Don't suppose you have any Designer contacts in Scotland who are web designers because my backing group the Princes Trust are encouraging me to meet up with seaoned pros and go down the pub.
    Plus it would be nice to chat with someone who cares about the wonders of xml!

    Posted 14 hours, 28 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Tim
  4. Tim:

    I don't know about Scotland itself, but there's a Scottish web designer called Paul in Newcastle, who works for and whose weblog is at


    Posted 20 hours, 21 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Kevin McDonagh
  5. Kevin McDonagh:

    Thanks Tim, not really close enough for me to bother going driving down to haave a pint with him but I'll definetly keep my eye on that blog. Thanx for the info.

    Posted 1 day after the fact

Jump up to the start of the post

Add your comment

I'm sorry, but comments can no longer be posted to this blog.