Post #299

Retro: Six generationas of baloney

25th March 2004, early afternoon | Comments (29)

Tucson, Arizona, USA ~ April, 2002.

Last night we went to a Japanese restaurant in town, and being communal tables they sat three more people down with us — a little girl, her mum and her mum’s boyfriend (a mechanic with the USAF).

During the course of our conversation Molly happened to remark that her family had a recipe for something that was five generations old. The mechanic countered that he learned his cooking from his Ma and that the recipe for his favourite sandwich was six generations old, had been brought to this country from Ireland by his Great Grandmother, and was still written on the original paper.

Now, even if that was true, ask yourself this — what kind of family needs to write down the recipe for a sandwich?

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Comments (29)

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  1. Stew:

    "what kind of family needs to write down the recipe for a sandwich?"

    Er.... Yanks? :P

    Sorry I just had to make the joke otherwise it would've killed me :)

    Posted 16 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Lindsey, ↓ Dunstan
  2. Lindsey:

    " "what kind of family needs to write down the recipe for a sandwich?"

    Er.... Yanks? :P "

    With Irish ancestry? :)
    Well, the recipe did come from the guy's Irish great grandmother!

    Posted 26 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Stew
  3. Stupid Yank:

    Maybe somebody should write down directions for Brushing Teeth on a piece of paper for you Brits. [Required Retort, sorry]

    Maybe they were worried about the recipe being forgotten or not "passed down" and maybe the sandwich is that good.

    Posted 27 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Dunstan, ↓ Hans Hyttinen
  4. Pierce:

    We have very special sandwiches in Ireland. Potato ones. With shamrocks in them.

    Posted 51 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Paul G, ↓ David Barrett
  5. Dunstan:

    Okay, new rule on this site - no more 'Stoopid American' comments!

    The Brits think they're doing me a favour by sticking it to the Yanks, and of course the Yanks can't help but respond.

    But really I'd rather steer clear of that kind of thing, even if it is in jest.

    Thanks very much :o)

    Posted 1 hour, 22 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Stew, ↑ Stupid Yank
    Inspired: ↓ Stew, ↓ Hasan
  6. Paul G:

    It seems to me that a sandwich's recipie is generally conveyed via the name of the sandwich: "peanut butter & jelly", "ham & cheese", "mayonaisse & banana", "bangers & mash", "Penn & Teller", "Pride & Prejudice", etc.

    Further instructions might consist of:

    Step 1: Pile/spread all ingredients in generous amounts on top of a slice of bread. Top with another slice of bread.

    Step 2: Erm...there is no step 2.

    I can't imagine there are many sandwiches that couldn't be faithfully reproduced using those instructions...maybe Step 2 could be "toast evenly" for certain sandwiches.

    I certainly would have been interested to see a six-generations old recipie for a sandwich.

    Oh, and Pierce? That definitely got a chuckle out of me

    Posted 1 hour, 24 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Pierce
  7. Hans Hyttinen:

    Yes, they could have been worried about the sandwich not being passed down...

    Or perhaps the recipe is complex, involving a few pinches of saffron here, some basilica there, and a whole lot of spiced and roasted ham on toasted white bread.

    (Now that I think of it, my "recipe" probably wouldn't taste very good...)

    Posted 1 hour, 57 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Stupid Yank
  8. David House:

    Maybe it's a really really complicated sanwich? You know, as bridge is to card games as this sandwich is to... well, making sandwiches.

    Posted 1 hour, 58 minutes after the fact
  9. Lee:

    Come on, there could be all sorts of instructions. This could be real step-by-step:

    1) Get a large joint of ham, steam for three days in an iron pot.

    While this is happening:

    2) Collect three dozen apples

    3) Cut apples into small chunks and mash with a fork

    4) Mix in a good amount of cinamon (sp?)

    5) etc...

    Six generations means you're talking before supermarkets and ready-to-use products, even before refrigerators were in common use.

    You can hear the old folk:

    "Honestly, young people have no imagination and they think apples come from Safeway..."

    Posted 2 hours, 2 minutes after the fact
  10. Phil Baines:

    Maybe it was a Perfectly Normal Beast sandwitch?

    And everybody knows that they are special.

    Posted 2 hours, 3 minutes after the fact
  11. Mike P.:

    Maybe it was a knuckle sandwich and he was just *waiting* for someone to ask.

    Just kidding, all in good fun. I've always liked that "are you looking for a knuckle sandwich?". I mean really, who is?

    Posted 2 hours, 38 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Dunstan
  12. Dunstan:

    You're right - it *could* have been a multi-step recipie for "embalmed pig trotter and slightly-ruffled lettuce on rye", but I think, having met the guy, that it's not likely.

    I'm guessing three steps at the most:

    [1] Put anything you can find on some bread.
    [2] Eat it.
    [3] Wipe your face.

    He wasn't the brightest young man.

    Posted 2 hours, 40 minutes after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Paul G, ↓ Waylman
  13. Dunstan:

    He probably tells that story _everywhere_, Mike:

    "Oh go on, ask me what kind of sandwich! Pleeeeease!"

    Posted 2 hours, 41 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Mike P.
    Inspired: ↓ Mike P.
  14. Stew:

    I'm sowwy sir

    *puppy dog eyes*

    Posted 2 hours, 41 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dunstan
    Inspired: ↓ Dunstan
  15. Dunstan:


    Posted 3 hours, 30 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Stew
  16. Paul G:

    How does one determine whether their lettuce is ruffled enough to qualify as "slightly ruffled?" For that matter, how ruffled is too ruffled? What does the W3C have to say about standards for denoting the ruffledness (I think I invented a new word) of lettuce? I would propose:

    lettuce {
    ruffle: none|slight|normal|extreme;

    Of course, certain sandwiches would interpret these keywords differently, and you wouldn't be able to guarantee that the ruffledness of the lettuce on your sandwich is the same as the rufflednes of your users' sandwiches...

    Suddenly, I'm beginning to see how this recipie could get complicated. I'm also beginning to wonder how Dunstan thinks up these ludicrous ingredients and why I just wasted 15 minutes coming up with a CSS analogy for ruffled lettuce... :)

    Posted 3 hours, 53 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dunstan
    Inspired: ↓ Waylman
  17. David Barrett:

    This is genius:

    Posted 4 hours, 24 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Pierce
  18. Mike P.:

    @Dunstan - probably does, we all have an uncle like that, don't we?
    (mike feels back of head where uncle tried to stuff sandwich...)

    Posted 4 hours, 56 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dunstan
  19. Timmy:

    The first programming class I have ever taken is the culminating course in the computer information systems curriculum at my school. I had done a little programming previously and I am currently farting my way through this data structures and algorithms class. The teacher always jokes that he is only teaching there until he's done his community service. Sometimes I doubt if he's joking.

    Yet I digress. I was not prepared for our first test in the course and so I wrote some bullshit program in pseudo-code and turned it into him without a comment. He found it quite hilarious and I actually got a 75% on it for effort and creativity.

    I resurrect this and share it because I feel it applies to the conversation. I hope that this helps someone.

    how_many_hungry = count( total_hungry_people );
    if ( how_many_hungry >= 1)
    while (!how_many_hungry = 0)
    m = 0;
    take_order( hungry_person[m] );
    if ( ingredients )
    stack<ingredients> sandwich;
    breadbottom.location = 'table';
    breadtop.location = 'top of sandwich';
    gaffaw( total_hungry_people );

    Posted 6 hours, 4 minutes after the fact
  20. Waylman:

    Ok, I haven't laughed as hard as I did at the above comments in a long time.

    Paul G., that was brilliant!

    And Dunstan, I believe you answered your own question:
    Q: "What kind of family needs to write down the recipe for a sandwich?"
    A: "He wasn't the brightest young man."

    I wish I could add to the fun, but nothing comes to mind. Way to go guys.

    Oh, and for the record; I would denote my preffered ruffledness (nice word Paul) as follows:

    lettuce {
    ruffle: slight;

    Posted 6 hours, 22 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dunstan, ↑ Paul G
    Inspired: ↓ Paul G
  21. Paul G:

    Thank you! I'm here all week. Try the embalmed pig trotter, and don't forget to tip your waitresses.


    Posted 9 hours, 8 minutes after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Waylman
  22. Molly:

    We never ate baloney in my family - it's usually got pig in it, which is not kosher.

    The only pig in my family that was okay to eat was in the form of bacon, served at IHOP (oh, and I mean the originals with the pitched blue roofs ca. 1965 New Jersey).

    And only on Sundays. Somehow, that was sanctioned by my father (if not his strict Jewish upbringing).

    The recipe I never got to talk about was for roast paprika chicken stuffed with whole garlic and cooked slowly in plum wine.

    But never you mind.

    Posted 10 hours, 54 minutes after the fact
  23. Hans Hyttinen:

    lettuce {
    ruffle: extreme;
    fresh: none;
    mold: slight;

    pig trotter {
    burn: slight;
    fat: extreme;
    juicy: normal;

    waitress #tip {
    amount: 160pc;

    opinion .waitress {
    value: none;

    (Translation of last analogy: I don't think the waitress has any class.)

    Posted 10 hours, 59 minutes after the fact
  24. Tom:

    a sandwich which needs a recipe:

    The Monte Cristo

    Ingredients (it's taking everything in me not to code this as a list, btw)

    3 slices bread
    1 teaspoon mayonnaise (optional - butter can be substituted)
    1 teaspoon prepared mustard (optional)
    2-6 slices cooked ham
    2-6 slices cooked turkey meat
    1-3 slices Swiss cheese
    1 egg
    1/2 cup milk
    1/4 cup powdered sugar

    Spread bread with mayonnaise and mustard (or butter). Alternate ham, Swiss and turkey slices on bread.

    Beat egg and milk in a small bowl. Coat the sandwich with the egg and milk mixture. Heat a greased skillet over medium heat, brown the sandwich on both sides. Serve hot and dusted with powdered sugar.

    Oh sure, it's around 1000 calories per sandwich, but it's enough to deserve being written down, eh? :)

    Posted 12 hours, 16 minutes after the fact
  25. Timmy:

    bananas {
    color: #EADF0B;
    texture: mush;
    sliced: center;

    peanut-butter {
    spread: thick;
    chunk: none;

    bread {
    color: #FFFFFF;

    sandwich {
    style: fried;

    elvis {
    position: absolute;
    background: (bathroom);
    location: floor;
    color: #000099;

    Posted 16 hours, 13 minutes after the fact
  26. Timmy:

    The Monte Cristo is a mean sandwich. Falls second to the cheesesteak. And only beats the reuben by a smidge.

    Posted 16 hours, 16 minutes after the fact
  27. Hasan:

    Sorry, last one, because I'm an American and it'll show we can have a sense of humor about people hating us because our government bullies the entire world... from the asanine show South Park, spoken at a ping-pong tournament by Chinese sports-announcers in English with heavily stereotyped "Oriental" accents...

    "What you call American with P.H.D. in Astrophysics and Political Science?...STUPID AMERICAN!" (close enough, I can't remember the actual degrees.)

    Thank you.

    Posted 1 day, 7 hours after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dunstan
  28. Dab:

    Depends on the sandwhich doesn't it? I need to check the recipe for my mothers "skagenröra" every time I get the urge to wolf down a couple of them sandwhiches.. Lets see if I can remember off the top of my head.. A dash of tabasco, a big wollop of mayo, lots of fresh shrimp, table spoon of lemon juice, black peppar, white peppar, creme freche... no wait, somethings missing. Was it dill? Stir together, load up on bread, add cucumber and garnish to taste.

    Lovely way the comments here work by the way.

    Posted 4 days, 7 hours after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Dab
  29. Dab:

    Sheesh, that didn't go at all well now that I've checked the recipe.
    125 grams of shrimp (peeled), 1/2 dl mayo, 1 dl creme freche, 1/2 dl chopped dill, and 50 grams or whitefish roe or salmon roe. +peppers/tabasco/lemon. See, it's complicated! ;))

    Posted 4 days, 7 hours after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ Dab

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