Post #35

Dishwasher un-safe

21st October 2003, lunch time | Comments (2)

A man and a woman both pointing at themselves as if to say 'I'm right!'

The winds of change and controversy are blowing around the world right now: Northern Ireland may be restoring devolution preparatory to holding new elections; North Korea are stepping up their nuclear programs; and Zimbabwe’s state-controlled oil company has run out of fuel, plunging national infrastructure and emergency services into crisis.

But I tell you this: these events are but gentle breezes compared to the hurricane that rages in the Orchard household:

Unbelievably, my mother is challenging my father’s System For Loading The Dishwasher.

I know, I know — I’ve tried to warn her that few things are more cherished by men than our collection of Systems For Doing Everyday Things, but she won’t listen to me.

I seem powerless to stop the madness.

Her thinking is that the small plates could be moved up from the lower rack to join the cups, glasses and mugs on the upper rack, thus freeing up space for larger, less manageable items such as lasagna dishes.

It sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?


Fool!! If it was reasonable it would be Part Of The System already!

And therein lies the problem, you see. It is actually a reasonable idea, but to admit so would upset the balance of power in this house in the same way that jumping off the see-saw did when you were a kid — someone’s going to go crashing to the ground and end up biting their lip. And then there’ll be tears.

Deviant revolutionaries like my mother always claim to be fighting for the good of the people. In this case I, as the people, wish she’d left well alone. Nuclear wars and failing infrastructure I can deal with, lunchtime fights over dishwashers I can’t.

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Comments (2)

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  1. David S:

    Gosh this is a bit late, but how can I resist serious dishwasher commentary? I have a theory (ahem) that when filling the dishwasher, aiming for anything more than 80% full is wasted effort (but if you unintentionally manage more you're allowed to take the bonus). Dishwashers are supposed to be about saving effort. This came to me after spending a fruitless quarter hour one day, trying to fit that last item in...

    Posted 7 months after the fact
    Inspired: ↓ Craig C
  2. Craig C:

    (later still) Oh, I disagree David.

    Dishwashers are like jigsaw puzzles. If you have to wash one tea cup or heaven forbid a lasagna dish, you must consider it a personal failure.

    Cheaters may go to the effort of reusing their glass or skipping desert, but a true dishwasher aficionado will ask for seconds on a new plate and still fit it in, even if it takes twice as long as washing it by hand. ;-)

    Posted 1 year, 11 months after the fact
    Inspired by: ↑ David S

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