Post #11

Talk Like A Pirate Day

19th September 2003, lunch time | Comments (5)

A rough, tough Pirate

So, it’s TLAPD today. It’s also the day Becky and I realised we hadn’t written each other poems for ages. A little scratching of the head over dinner and this was produced in honour of both occasions:

Pirates are friendly

Pirates are hearty
They’re bluff and they’re loud
They’ll always have fun
On their own or in crowds

Some have an eye patch
And some have a hook
In place of the hand
That a crocodile took

They’re usually friendly
Despite all your fears
But if you should cross them
They’ll cut off your ears

They’ll stamp on your fingers
Stick knives up your nose
Put ants in your trousers
And crabs on your toes

And then when they’re finished
And your spirits are low
It’s off to the edge of the ship you must go

Hands tied behind you
Eyes bound about
You’re prodded and pushed
By their jeers and their shouts

Your eyes start to water
There’s no hope, let’s be frank
In a matter of seconds
You’ll fall from The Plank

Below you’ll be swallowed
By water and sharks
Who will bite you and tear you
Into many wee parts

You prepare for the moment
When you’ll fall into space
You screw up your courage
Your hands and your face

Then suddenly, laughter!
A hug and a poke
Why those silly old pirates
Were having a joke!

I told you they’re friendly
Despite all your fears
But, if you should cross them
It could all end in tears

And three more stupid little poems I wrote during an email exchange with Becky that seem appropriate:

A Pirate Poem

Ahoy there I’m a Pirate,
This boat ain’t mine, I had to hire it.

A talented Pirate Poem

I am a talented Pirate,
When you see this you’ll have to admire it,
It’s a canon that goes
On my ship, at the nose,
If you’re good then I might let you fire it.

A porno Pirate Poem

I am a porno Pirate
There’s a girl on my gang-plank called Violet,
With no underwear
She does solemnly swear
She’ll try all she can do to tire it.

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Comments (5)

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  1. Becky:

    Yo ho ho! I’m a pirate, can’t you tell.
    Drinking rum all day, I think my life is swell.
    Whenever I come near
    People run, and scream in fear
    It’s not the sight that’ll get you, it’s the smell.

    I recommend the life, but it’s hard to get a date
    When the hobbies you prefer are pillage, loot, and rape.
    People often wonder
    What we do with all that plunder
    I could tell you, but I’d rather obfuscate.

    As any woman will agree, I’m not a pretty sight
    I’m scruffy, poorly dressed, and taken by the blight
    I have a wooden leg,
    (it’s really more a peg)
    and my eye patch makes me awkward in the night.

    I’m a pirate, don't you know, I think my life is great
    We’ve just sacked a town and it’s time to celebrate
    No one is disputing
    this town was fine for looting
    Let’s all tip a flask to the captain and first mate.

    My rhyme scheme is more complicated, so there!

    Posted 1 week, 5 days after the fact
  2. Captain Alex:

    This poem RULED!!! Ill be using it for my poetry assignment in school - thanks for all the awesome!

    Posted 7 months, 1 week after the fact
  3. Beckye:

    Brilliant! Brilliant!

    I thoroughly enjoyed the poems, keep it up! ( =

    Posted 1 year, 11 months after the fact
  4. Davy Jones:

    "Pirates are friendly" - a truly classic poem. Might I suggest an alternate ending two lines:

    I told you they're friendly
    Despite all your fears
    Now the grinnin' Jolly Roger
    should be perfectly clears

    Posted 2 years, 4 months after the fact
  5. Ali:

    Wow awesome! you have a real talent there!!!! Keep it up!!! =D

    Posted 2 years, 7 months after the fact

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